Delete, Deny, Retry
by angeloneous
Summary: Not enough JasonNicky  so I thought I'd add my own story to the pile.
1. Chapter 1

Delete, Deny, Retry

Author's Note: Obviously I don't own any of the characters just this little idea of how they might continue to play together…I don't agree with holding readers hostage to reviews – so I'll just ask once – pretty please??? It's been years since I've posted on here and I am REALLY rusty. Also, it is hard writing without being able to watch Ultimatum as often as I want yet. I hope you like it!

Chapter One - Delete

Sitting on the train, it was hard for Nicky to avoid thinking about what she had almost divulged to Jason in a moment of weakness. She has spent the last 8 years trying to delete it all from her mind. To erase the emotions, the images, the caresses, the laughter and the man, completely.

Only, how was that even possible when she had to see him over and over again. Sure months would seem like a long time to most, but to her it was a moment. Her contact with Jason after his programming was sporadic at best, but it was still too often for her. Though she knew of all his "jobs" for the agency, she wasn't always the one to assign them to him. That meant it could be weeks or months until she saw him again. One time it had even been 1 year, 2 months, 13 days and 10 hours in between. Not that she ever counted.

Each time she had to be in contact with him was a blessing and a curse. The space between making her feel like a child waiting for Christmas, only to inevitably regret that it is over. She always ended up disappointed and was left feeling that much more cold and lonely by the encounter.

Who was she kidding? She would have butterflies in her stomach for days after finding out she would be seeing him. She had a tendency to get her hair done the week before. A manicure. A bikini wax for Christ's sake! She could only hope it wasn't obvious to her superiors. Or to Jason. Of course David would have noticed – but he wasn't really in the picture anymore, was he?

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Nicky was startled awake by the call of the conductor announcing their arrival at the Orient Station in Lisbon, Portugal. Nicky only hoped she could get lost in the city. Jason had suggested Portugal once he had learned she could speak Spanish fluently and passable Portuguese. He didn't know where she would go in the country and she wasn't sure if that was a comfort or not.

She had decided on Lisbon for three reasons. First, it was near the ocean and she wanted the calming presence it gave her. Second, the capital city had a large population for her to get lost in. Finally, she had a lot of options there. It would be easy to get a job and blend in, her language skills a definite plus.

Getting off the train, Nicky entered a small café in the station and purchased a newspaper and espresso. Quickly she began searching for a job. She would stay in a hostel for the first week or two until she got her bearings. She knew better than to stay at the one she had visited 10 years ago as a high school graduate, but there were plenty of others to choose from.

Going over the newspaper listings, the word Psicologia caught her eye – Portuguese for Psychology. It was a position in the admissions office of the Higher Institute of Applied Psychology as a receptionist. Fluency in English was a requirement. Nicky only hoped fluency in Portuguese wasn't. Finishing her coffee, Nicky set off to find a place to stay for the night. She needed a rest.

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Two days later Nicky was waiting in the reception area of the admissions office at the Instituto Superior de Psicologia Aplicada. Alongside her were 2 other hopeful candidates and Nicky couldn't help but size up her competition. She wanted this job.

After creating a resume at the public library and using the internet to e-mail it to the University, Nicky had gone about using her passport and fake visa to get herself new identification. When she had returned to the hostel later in the day, there was a message from the school at the front desk. They wanted her to contact them and set up an interview. Once she had, the secretary setting up the appointments let her know that employees were able to attend the school for free.

If she was lucky, Nicky would land this job and have a legitimate (compared to the one she currently held) visa by the start of the semester in 3 weeks. She just had to beat these other two out first.

As the first girl was called into the dean of Admissions office, Nicky began to size the other one up. "What is your name?" Nicky asked in passable Portuguese. The girl looked up at her and answered, "Isabela. You?" Nicky responded easily, "Nicolasa." Nicky had already decided to stay as close to the truth as possible. With Jason's help she had easily copied her CIA Spanish passport to a fake with the name Nicolasa Silva. She has decided on using a Spanish/Portuguese surname so that she could claim heritage in both countries.

In the course of 5 minutes, Nicky discovered that Isabela was from a small village northeast of the city. She didn't want to apply for the job and was only there because her mother wanted her to have a real career. By the time the first girl was exiting the dean's office, Nicky knew that Isabela had a fiancé back home that her mother didn't approve of and that she planned on ruining her interview so that she could go back to him.

As Nicky entered the dean's office, she couldn't help the brilliant smile plastered across her face. It was still there when she walked back out 35 minutes later, while promising to come back later to have lunch with the dean and discuss her options.

Now if she could just stop worrying about Jason and delete him from her mind, she might actually be able to be happy.


	2. Chapter 2

Delete, Deny, Retry

Author's Note: Everything still applies )

Chapter Two - Deny

Two weeks later Nicky was tossing and turning in her new bedroom. She was having a terrible nightmare. There was two of him. One as he was 8 years ago – David. Only his hands were covered in blood. The other, Jason, holding his head as though it may explode from pain. Jason screaming, while David whispered. Both blaming her for her role in their downfall. David, tears running down his face, holding his bloody hands towards her, just constantly asking, "Why, why, why did you let me become this monster." Jason, vacant, stoic and emotionless as ever – except for the tone of his voice – just like it had been in the subway station when he held the gun to her head. "Why, why did you let them make me this way?"

Nicky shot up into a seated position on the bed. Her hair plastered around her face by tears and sweat. Her throat dry. Her chest heaving with each panicked breath she took.

It wasn't her fault. She KNEW it wasn't her fault. So why was she torturing herself? If she only knew what had happened to Jason. Maybe then she wouldn't feel so guilty.

Getting out of bed, Nicky knew she'd never get back to sleep. So she headed for the shower – appreciating her newfound privacy. That secretary had really come through. The girl (whose name was Monika) had a grandmother who owned a little house on the coast. Monika had recently moved out of the small attic apartment to live with her boyfriend. So now Nicky had her dream place, just a tiny bedroom with a little kitchen area attached and a small bathroom. But it was cheap, and by the ocean. What more could she ask for?

Turning the water as hot as she could stand and then just a little hotter, Nicky stepped into the spraying water. Jason was wrong when he told her it would get easier. Nicky prayed with every stinging splash of water that he was okay.

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By the time two months had passed, Nicky had already developed a routine. She got up would go for a run for about 30 minutes. After a quick shower she would join Monika's grandmother (she told me to call her Avó) every morning for breakfast. She then left, walking to work and arriving by 8:30am. She would be at the school all day, alternating between working in the admissions office and the four classes she was taking. Walking home in the evening and having dinner with Avó at 7pm and then working on schoolwork until she fell asleep was how she finished every day. There were only two times when her week varied.

Sundays, after breakfast, Nicky would go with Avó to the church down the street. Sitting there she often listened to the waves pounding on the sand outside, instead of the priest inside.

She was on her way to her second deviation. Wednesday nights she would do whatever she wanted. This evening she had spent her time shopping in Bairro Alto, the trendy part of the city. She had bought a new book and instead of going home, she decided to go to a little café that she liked. The espresso was good and they usually played CNN on one of their television screens which for some strange reason made her feel connected to her "real" self.

Buying a tea, chamomile to relax her, she found a table and opened her book. She was a good 40 pages into the book when the reporter on CNN caught her attention. Blackbriar. Landy. Jason. DAVID!

Nicky let the first genuine smile in weeks grace her face. Slowly she packed up her things and headed out of the café. Practically floating home, Nicky got ready for bed on autopilot. Her last thought before drifting into a peaceful nights rest was, "He's alive."

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If Nicky had thought hearing about Jason when she first saw him on the news was a relief, that relief was short lived. It was the program all over again. She was on needles. Ears always perked, hoping to hear more information. Eyes always alert to the comings and goings of her location. Minutes felt like hours. Days felt like years.

They had plastered his name all over the news. David Webb. Had it only been 3 months since she thought she was the last person alive to know him by that name? If the media knew than did he? Did he have any of David's memories? Did he remember her? Did Jason for that matter?

God, why couldn't she just move on? Forget about Jason. And David. And Treadstone. And Blackbriar. All of it. Just suppress any knowledge of it all. Trying to delete him from her heart and mind didn't work. Why not just deny her heart and mind instead.

Yes. That would be easier. She didn't have to erase him. Just avoid acknowledging the fact that she knew him (REALLY knew him). She could do that. Right?


End file.
